Adoptions From The Heart cordially invites you to our fundraising golf tournament in celebration of our 25th year of building beautiful families! AFTH has made a huge impact on the lives of thousands of women, children and families. To celebrate AFTH's silver anniversary and to honor the work the agency has done, we are enthusiastically seeking golfers, diners, sponsors, and silent auction donations to help in making our tournament a huge success.

It is hard to believe it has been 25 years since Maxine Chalker started this groundbreaking adoption agency in the basement of her home stemming from her belief in the benefits of open adoption. AFTH is now known as one of the largest placing agencies on the east coast for domestic open adoption growing from just 14 placements its first year to more than 160 domestic placements in 2009. During the last 25 years, AFTH also ran very successful international adoption programs, participated in humanitarian aid donations across the world, offered parenting education classes to adoptive parents, and is now presenting cutting-edge reproductive assistance programs in the forms of embryo placement and international surrogacy through our Heartbeats Program.

Join us in celebrating not only the past 25 years but also the many more years of building beautiful families to come! Mark your calendar for Thursday, September 16, 2010. The fundraiser will be held at Springfield Country Club in Springfield, PA. Tee off will be at 1pm and all non-golfers are welcome to join the celebration at 5:30pm at start of the banquet following the golf tournament. The banquet includes a sit down dinner, 3 hour open  bar, tournament prizes, silent auction, socializing and dancing. Information on costs and various sponsorship packages is enclosed. 

AFTH is looking forward to a great day of golf, an excellent banquet reception and many wonderful prizes for our auction and raffle thanks to the generosity of many local businesses. We hope you find us a charity worthy of your philanthropy and help us in this very special fundraising event. Hole in one, family for all!

Please feel free to email The Golf Committee at KellyM@afth.org with any questions.

-back to top-

The Acorn and the Tree? IDK!  - Teen Adoptee Shares

Teenagers are often known to have a different language than their parents. These days with email and texting, the language of most teens can be abbreviated into a series of letters like tmi (too much information), brb (be right back),  ttyl (talk to you later), or my personal favorite, idk (I don't know). My parents not only don't text, but like to express things using sayings I often just don't understand. Like what does "the pot calling the kettle black" or "the blind leading the blind" mean? And I certainly don't understand how that could possibly describe me! Then there's the one about an acorn and a tree.  

I didn't try to understand these clichés until I heard the one about the acorn and the tree. What acorn? What tree? The actual saying is "an acorn doesn't fall far from the tree" which I have come to learn is used to describe a child who appears to have inherited certain traits of his or her parent or parents.

The cool thing about being adopted is that you are usually relieved of the expectation of being like your Mom or Dad.   For me, this is a good thing. One example of why I think this way is my Mom and my Dad are both engineers, and they're good at math. They actually like to do math problems. Math is just not my thing and thank goodness I am not expected to be good at it! Even my seven year old sister can add and subtract faster than me. On the other hand, I like to draw. I started as a toddler hiding behind the chair drawing on the family room walls. I have since moved on to fill many sketch books. People will often ask me, "Is your Mom or Dad artistic, too?" Unless you are talking about a right angle on graph paper, the answer is "No".

So why would I like it when my parents say the acorn doesn't fall from the tree?  It's because my artistic talent comes from my birthmother.  She's my tree. And while I only have met her one time, it is a special gift that is with me all the time.  It's a nice thing to know.

That's it for now g2g (got to go).

Elizabeth Sitkowski is 16 years old and was adopted through the AFTH Domestic Adoption Program in 1993. As an adoptee herself, Elizabeth expresses her experiences and feelings through her artwork and welcomes sharing her personal viewpoint as a teen adoptee.

-back to top-

It will be a day she will never forget but one that over the years has sometimes caused pain when remembered. Amy looks back on her first decision of motherhood and the hardest decision of her life.

On August 11, 2004, Amy gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was a day filled with tears of both joy and sorrow. Amy and her boyfriend Mark had decided to make an adoption plan only hours before their daughter’s birth. After arriving at the hospital, they contacted Adoptions From The Heart to speak with a social worker about adoption. Amy was 24 and she and Mark had a 14-month old son they were parenting while living in her mother’s house. They did not have the financial means or stability needed to care for another child. They wanted the very best life could offer for their daughter and although it was a heart wrenching decision, they knew they could not be the ones to provide it for her.

Michaelina, an AFTH counselor, arrived at the hospital to talk with Amy and Mark about adoption and to present profiles of prospective adoptive parents. Coincidentally, despite being on opposite sides of the room reviewing profiles, they both selected the same family. When asked why they chose the family, Amy responds by saying “there was just something in their eyes and I knew they were it.” She and Mark loved that they had a big yard and enjoyed outdoor activities like hiking. Things they would have done themselves with their daughter.

Because it was too hard for them at that time, they chose to wait 4 months after their daughter’s birth to meet the adoptive couple. Their daughter is now 6 and they visit twice a year, once around Christmas and the other at the AFTH summer picnic. Amy says she and Mark couldn’t have picked better parents for their daughter, “she has a great life and great parents.” Although she still gets    nervous and excited for their visits, she is reassuring that through open adoption, her daughter will know her and that her decision was made out of love. Amy’s older brother was adopted through a closed adoption. She saw how all the unknowns negatively affected his life as it took him 34 years to gain any information about his birth family. Amy is reassured knowing that through open adoption she has chosen a better path for her daughter.

Adoption doesn’t take motherhood away, it  is a decision made from the love of being a mother. “At first, I felt horrible,” Amy says. “How could I do this - how could any mother ‘give up’ her baby?  But then I realized I’m doing it because of how much I love her. I’m deciding as her mother to give her a better life. Now, I thank God I did it for her!”

“Motherhood means being and doing the best you can for your child - I did that. I probably could have done it, but at what cost? At what cost to my daughter? At what cost to my son? At what cost to me? Because of my decision, I’m a better person. I’m a better mother, and I’m a better person for, if and when my daughter needs me.” Amy has since graduated from college and is engaged to Mark with plans to marry and move into their own place this fall.

Amy is thrilled to see shows like MTV’s 16 & Pregnant. ”I wish they would have been around for me. I’m glad information is getting out there about adoption, especially open adoption. It would have helped me to see similar stories and know other people were going through what I was.” It is good to talk to friends and family, but it isn’t the same as talking with someone who has gone through it. Amy is committed to reaching out to others and now serves as a mentor for other birthmothers working with AFTH. She knows honesty and empathy go a long way as she often tells birthmothers who recently placed “your pain isn’t going to be gone tomorrow, and probably not next week, and likely not even next year but it does get better and feeling like this is normal.”

For Amy, Mother’s Days begin with feeling somber but through reflection about the decision she made for her daughter years ago and on the blessings she has with her fiancé and son, by afternoon she is having a wonderful day celebrating motherhood. “Even after 6 years there are tough days, same as any mother, but because of open adoption I know that my daughter is doing well and has wonderful parents and that I made the right decision.”

-back to top-

Legislation

FEDERAL ADOPTION TAX CREDIT: Several updates to the adoption tax credit were signed into law as part of the health care reform bill. The amount of the credit increased by $1,000, bringing its total to $13, 170 for tax year 2010. Also, the credit was made refundable for all types of adoption. The credit which was set to expire at the end of 2010 will be extended until December 31, 2011.

NEW JERSEY & ILLINOIS: Legislative bodies in Illinois and New Jersey have taken major steps toward giving adult adoptees access to their original birth certificates. In Illinois, HB 5428 passed the House and moved to the Senate. Under this bill, adult adoptees could obtain a copy of their original birth certificates provided that a birthparent did not make a specific request for anonymity. In New Jersey, S 799 passed the Senate on March 22 and is under review by the Assembly Human Services Committee. This bill would create a one-year "opt-out" period after passage, during which birthparents could file a disclosure veto and submit medical and cultural information instead.

CITIZENSHIP FOR INTERNATIONAL ADOPTEES: The Adoption Fairness Act would guarantee that all international adoptees get their certificates of U.S. citizenship promptly and would eliminate a fee for international adoptions completed either in this country or abroad. Under current law, only children whose adoptions are finalized in their home countries automatically receive their certificates of citizenship free of charge.

U.S. REPORT SHOWS FEWER CHILDREN IN FOSTER CARE AWAITING ADOPTION: Statistics released in February by the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS) of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services show that the number of children in foster care in the U.S. declined from FY 2007 to FY 2008. According to the latest available figures in the report, children remained in foster care an average of 27.2 months, most with the goal of eventual family reunification. More children left foster care than entered it in FY 2008, and the number of children awaiting adoption from foster care was 123,000 - down from 132,000 the previous fiscal year.

-back to top-

Your Child Could Be a Star

We are collecting pictures for our 2011 calendar starring AFTH children! Submit your photos before the July 1, 2010 deadline.

 - Send horizontal 4x6 pictures (it helps with design!)

 - Send pictures with clean faces and endearing expressions!

 - Send seasonal pictures and photos representing holidays!

 - Use your digital camera’s highest pixel for clarity!

 - Send multiple pictures, variety is good!

Label each photo: child’s name, age, country, parents name & address.

Email to: KristyG@afth.org or Mail to:

Marketing Team Calendar Search

Adoptions From The Heart

30-31 Hampstead Circle, Wynnewood, PA 19096

Call 610-642-7200 and ask for Kristy with any questions.

-back to top-

Playgroups Now Forming for Adoptive Families

Playgroups are a great form of support and encourage the building of friendships for both children and parents. Children benefit from having friends who joined their families in the same way, and parents benefit from the shared experiences among other adoptive parents. With today’s busy lives, it can be a challenge to fit one more thing into the schedule. Becoming a member of a playgroup, even if it is only a few families strong, is a way to set aside time for parents to come together with their kids as well as other families who have experienced adoption journeys of their own.

AFTH has been contacted by several families interested in forming playgroups with other AFTH families in their area:

WYNNEWOOD, PA - mother seeking other AFTH families with toddlers who have adopted through the African-American and African-American Biracial Program to form a playgroup and come together in support. She can be contacted directly by email at: Krista_malott@hotmail.com.

LANCASTER AREA - mother is looking to form a playgroup with other AFTH domestic families for summer playdates with her 15 month old daughter.

SUSSEX COUNTY, DE - parents of a 4 and 6 year old who were adopted domestically are looking to connect with other AFTH families in Sussex County or even Dover or Milford, DE for playdates.

The AFTH Facebook page and the domestic listserves are great ways for families interested in joining or forming playgroups to connect. Families can also contact adoption@afth.org if they would like to connect with any of the above mentioned playgroups.

-back to top-

Book Reviews
All reviewed books are available in our branch offices, online or you can order by calling Karen Dutkiewicz in the Wynnewood office (610) 642-7200.

PIECES OF ME: WHO DO I WANT TO BE? VOICES OF ADOPTED TEENS edited by Robert Ballard - Intended for a teen audience, this book can be beneficial to readers of all ages. Pieces of Me provides an excellent jumping off point for discussion between parents and their children to explore their own feelings about adoption. There is even a space in the book for teens to write their own reflections on their adoption. List price $24.95 AFTH price $18.00

The Toddler Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble Shooting Tips, and advice on System Maintenance by Brett Kuhn and Joe Borgenicht - Hilarious blend of step-by-step instructions, troubleshooting tips, and schematic diagrams, the Toddler Owner's Manual explores issues of childhood from ages one to three. Does your toddler refuse to consume fuel? Are there viruses in her system? Do you need to reprogram her sleep routine? Whatever your concerns, you'll find the answers here. A great book for Dads.  AFTH price $16.00

Racism Explained to My Daughter by Tahar Ben Jelloun - Attempting to explain racism is challenging enough, and it is even harder when one is explaining it to a child.  Written in question-and-answer format to his daughter's questions, Ben Jelloun's answers in the book are appropriately brief. William Ayers, Lisa Delpit, David Mura, and Patricia Williams, parents and writers continue the discussion and apply it to America with chapters of their own. The book is easy to read and provocative, touching on discrimination, genetics, stereotyping, immigration, xenophobia, religion and more. List Price $13.95 AFTH price $12.00

Different AND Wonderful: Raising Black Children in a Race-Conscious Society by Dr. Darlene Hopson - Written for African-American parents, this book really speaks to any parent of  African-American children by helping them to prepare their children to become positive, productive, self-respecting individuals in American society. Chapters focus on modeling, strengthening, and open communication of parents on such complex issues as racial identification, teenage sexuality, day care, and family relations during the developmental stages of childhood to adulthood. The stated goals empower families to cope with still-racist institutions. A significant contribution is the network of resources (books, magazines, games and toys, and cultural centers) that celebrate black culture. AFTH price $19.00

But I Don't Feel Too Old to Be a Mommy!: Complete Sourcebook for Starting (and Re-Starting) Motherhood Beyond 35 and After 40 by Doreen Nagle - The trend to later child rearing is significant, with the numbers of mothers over the age of 35 having grown 75 percent in the last decade, while the numbers in the traditional ages continue to decline. From celebrities to the woman next door, later child rearing is no flash-in-the-pan fad and “isn't going to subside; future trends only show women will continue to delay motherhood," according to the National Center for Health Statistics. This is one of the only books to fully address the concerns of the ever-growing but greatly ignored audience of literate, educated women who have delayed motherhood. In this comprehensive work, women who are considering parenting in their 30s, 40s and later-whether for the first time or starting over-will find all the information they need to make informed choices. This book details the risks, rewards, rumors and resources-from making the decision to start a family, to every imaginable way to get there, to the realities of motherhood beyond 35 and 40. Issues covered include infertility, pregnancy, surrogacy, adoptions, the pros and cons of later motherhood, single parenting, and financial and career considerations. Complete with quotes from medical experts, later-in-life moms and their kids, this one-stop book will calm the doubts and fears of women considering motherhood after 35 and beyond 40 by providing supportive yet realistic information.  AFTH price $ 11.00

-back to top-

Program Updates

DOMESTIC- The winter was especially challenging this year with harsh weather and snow but this did not stop the dedicated staff counseling with pregnant women. Since January, AFTH has placed 39 children in our domestic programs, including twins and an infant with special needs, once again reaffirming there is a family for every child even though the wait can be difficult.

We continue to need families open to full African American infants. AFTH encourages families to review their profile keys periodically as there may be a change your family would consider in order to be open to more situations. Please contact your social worker if there is a key change you would like to make. Occasionally, AFTH has situations that are hard to find families for and these situations are posted on the domestic listserves in case any families may be open to learning more. Sign up for our domestic listserv (see below) to be sure you are notified about these situations.

Families who have opted to have their profiles on our website should know that profiles are rotated each month to allow each and every family's profile a chance to be at the top of the posting. We are seeing an increase in families with profiles on the website being chosen.

We are happy to report that the Adoption Tax Credit (ATC) was extended through December 31, 2011.

Two Spring Ed Series classes being held in May. “Healthy Snacks to Make with Your Kids” held in the Allentown Office and “Q & A Panel of Adoptive Parents” held in Wilmington, DE. To register for either class, visit the events calendar online at www.afth.org.

HEARTBEATS -  

The Embryo Placement Program continues to run successfully, focused on outreach and spreading the word about this new exciting program. Heartbeats will be recognizing National Infertility Awareness Week April 24th through May 1st. National Infertility Awareness Week is a    movement to raise awareness about infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans. There are many different ways to have a family and there are webinars specific to the Embryo Placement Program continuing to be held monthly. Anyone interested in attending can register for the webinar via the online event calendar at www.afth.org. For those who feel more comfortable talking with an Embryo counselor face to face or having a conference call, you can contact Program Coordinator, Jeanne Heinemann, by calling 302-658-8883 or by e-mailing JeanneH@afth.org.

AFTH has been in the process of updating the India Surrogacy Program. We believe this will enhance the program as now we will be working directly with the Indian clinic in Hyderabad.  Thus the cost will be less for those who go through this program and couples will be working directly with the medical professionals there.  The clinic is state of the art and we are confident that those we refer will be pleased with their services. We will be presenting a webinar on May 11 which will include the new program information. Please go to our website to register.

Click here to learn more information about either our Embryo Placement Program or the India Surrogacy Program.

For upcoming Heartbeats Webinar and in-person meetings, visit our online calendar of events.

-back to top-

Current State of International Adoptions

Haiti

Following the earthquake in Haiti, the United States offered Humanitarian Parole to a select group of Haitian orphans. Under this process, children in Haiti who had already been adopted by American parents (and who had remained in Haiti while awaiting issuance of Immigrant Visas by the U.S. Embassy in Haiti), as well as children in Haiti that had already been cleared for referral to pre-approved prospective adoptive American parents (but whose adoptions were still pending) became eligible to join their adoptive families in the United States upon being granted Humanitarian Parole Visas. To date, more than 1,000 children have entered the United States under this process, and approximately 300 more such visas may still be issued for pending cases. 

As of April 14, 2010, the application period for the Humanitarian Parole Program ended, and the standard adoption process for eligible orphans resumed. It is hoped that the Haitian government will, at some future date, allow for larger numbers of confirmed orphans to become eligible for international adoption, and there is legislation pending in the United States to support a pathway for the adoption of such children.

Of very special note is an AFTH family in Connecticut recently received the placement of two children from Haiti via the Humanitarian Parole Program! AFTH offers its heartfelt congratulations to this family.

China 

AFTH is happy to be providing post-adoption services to a dozen families that brought their daughters home from China in March. These families have been working with AFTH for many years as they waited for China to refer children to them, and we are thrilled for them that their long wait has finally culminated in the arrival of their children!

China has recently made changes to its special needs adoption process. Foremost among these is that all eligible Chinese orphans deemed by China to have special needs (be they minor, moderate, or severe) will now be made available for adoption via what is known as the "Shared List." As such, all agencies approved for special needs adoptions by China will be able to review information (as made available by the Chinese government) regarding children, and to refer such children to waiting families that are able to meet these children's needs. In making this change, China has eliminated its longstanding separate tract for the adoption of children with moderate or severe special needs, via which it had referred such children to individual agencies, with each individual agency being charged with identifying families able to adopt the particular children referred to it.     

Ethiopia

Aside from China, Americans adopted more children from Ethiopia than from any other foreign country in 2009. AFTH is currently providing home study, education, post-placement, and other services to many families adopting from Ethiopia. 

Until now, the Ethiopian adoption process has normally included one trip to Ethiopia, occurring after the adoption decree has already been issued by the Ethiopian courts.  As such, Ethiopian adoptees have generally been entering the U.S. on IR4 Visas, meaning that adopting families later needed to apply in the U.S. to finalize these adoptions, as well as to establish their children's U.S. citizenship. However, as of May, it is expected that prospective adoptive parents will be required to take 2 trips to Ethiopia to complete the process. The first trip will occur prior to issuance of the adoption decree in Ethiopia, and the second trip will be to receive a child's Immigrant Visa and bring the child to the U.S. As such, future Ethiopian adoptees would enter the U.S. on IR3 Visas, meaning that the U.S. would consider their adoptions to be full and final, and that they would automatically be conferred U.S. Citizenship upon arrival to the United States.

Guatemala

Contrary to some rumors, there remain several and substantial obstacles to the reopening of adoptions from Guatemala to the U.S. What has happened recently is that Guatemala announced plans for a limited international adoption pilot program. This program would focus on international placement for a relatively small number of orphans, to primarily include older children, sibling groups, and children with special needs. 

In February, the U.S. Department of State submitted information to the Guatemalan National Council on Adoption (CNA), indicating American's potential interest in participating in the pilot program. Aside from the U.S., at least 7 other countries also indicated their interest in participation, and the CNA is to choose 4 countries from among those that have applied. Then, from each of the 4 countries chosen, only one adoption service provider will become eligible to seek accreditation in Guatemala. So, if the U.S. is chosen then, at least initially, only one U.S. adoption agency would potentially be able to resume placing children from Guatemala. Further, even if the U.S. is chosen by the CNA, adoptions from Guatemala to the U.S. would not be able to resume until such time as the U.S. Department of State determines Guatemala's inter-country adoption procedures to be in compliance with the Hague Convention on Adoption. And, at present, the U.S. continues to consider Guatemala as out of compliance with the Hague Convention.

All of this said, American families remain presently unable to apply to adopt a child from Guatemala, and any timeframe for change to this situation remains unknown.

Russia

There has been lots of speculation as to whether Russia plans to close its doors to U.S. families seeking to adopt following the recent event of a mother sending her seven year old adopted son back to Russia (unescorted) because she felt that she was no longer able to care for him.

On April 16, the U.S. State Department announced that, as of yet, there had been no information received to confirm a suspension of adoptions from Russia to the United States. The U.S. Embassy in Moscow and Department of State officials were talking with Russian officials to seek clarification on this matter.

On April 29, the U.S. Department of State will send a high-level inter-agency team to Russia to meet with senior Russian officials. The U.S. delegation will seek to emphasize the importance of this issue to the U.S., to discuss mutual concerns, and to plan for how to better protect the welfare and rights of children and other parties involved in inter-country adoptions. More information regarding the status of Russian adoptions is expected to be available upon the conclusion of these meetings.

Questions regarding AFTH's international adoption services can be directed to Sam Wojnilower at SamW@afth.org or by phoning 610-642-7200.

-back to top-

China Families Gathering Together to Celebrate

On February 13, 2010, ten families who adopted their daughters from China through the AFTH Pittsburgh Office came together at the Hampton Inn in Blairsville, PA. The girls swam and had fun in the hot tub and a Chinese dinner was brought in for everyone to enjoy.  The girls dressed in traditional Chinese outfits for dinner and enjoyed making crafts to celebrate the Chinese New Year -- the Year of the Tiger. The children ranged in ages from 12 to 3 and everyone had a great time together.

-back to top-

Musings of an Adoptive Momma
Roots & Wings
By Gretchen Boger-O'Bryan

Aside from the pitter patter of pet paws and my own keyboard clicks, the house is strangely silent. As a mom of an almost five year old, this hush doesn't happen often.

Maeve is two houses away, playing inside with two long-time neighbor girls a few years her elder - and they all are delighted. Yesterday the new threesome played in our home, reading books, dressing up, chasing cats and even plopping down at the kitchen table to ask for a snack.

This is all so new to me. Now, we've shared playdates with preschool friends or meet-ups at the park - but as I've learned today, that's so very different than letting her "be" without me or her dad. It's just not about her being sans parent sidekicks, but we've orchestrated most every decision since we changed her first diaper. (Sorry to the future tweeny Maeve who might be reading this. Yes, I mentioned your diapers to the world. Cue eye-roll … now!)

And in these moments I wonder if she will remember all we've tried to instill. Who will she "be" when not reminded by omnipotent voices from a few feet away to say thank you. Pick up the toys before we leave. Take turns. Share. Be helpful. Use your kind voice. Make a good choice.

In five months, I'll watch her enter elementary school as a kindergartner. Will she bravely bound inside, eager for new adventures? Or will she look back at me for assurance one last time before the door closes behind her? (If it's anything like her first day at daycare when I returned to work, perhaps I should arrange for someone to get me home afterwards - who can see well enough through the tears to safely navigate a car through the streets?)

My mind sends me a reminder notice that this is just the beginning of an independence I'm supposed to be cultivating. You know, roots and wings.

Yet my maudlin heart responds with equal urgency that the moments are fleeting, the cuddles are numbered and it won't be long before we're not holding hands in public anymore.

I can't help but be reminded of an excerpt in the book Tuesdays with Morrie:

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. … A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

That tug-of-war in my heart is as fierce as her concentration while pumping on the playground swings or pushing her little Chucks into the pavement - handlebar tassels blowing in her breeze - as she and her Radio Flyer scooter sail away. Away from me, from her dad. Away from needing us so completely. Away from the cocoon we've enveloped her in since the day she made us a family.

The stillness in the house suddenly cuts sharply, and my thoughts are rattled back to the here and now as I hear the laughter and chatter of three new pals heading toward me, and just a few minutes after the return time I'd assigned.

The door swings open and the gleam in her eye is blinding. The energy she radiates brings me back to the bliss of my own childhood when the only concern was what to play next and how much time before dark.

Maeve smiles at me, and in this moment of welcoming each other back at home, I feel the connection we've cultivated while in our little cocoon.

That passage from Tuesdays with Morrie ends with this: "Which side wins? Love wins. Love always wins."

Indeed.

Gretchen Boger-O'Bryan was placed with her daughter in July 2005 through Adoptions From The Heart. An editor and freelance writer, she has an adoption and first-time parenthood blog at www.mamagigi.wordpress.com. Reach her at mamagigi@comcast.net.

-back to top-