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| Spring 2011 Issue |
A Quarterly Publication of Adoptions From The Heart
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| Our Annual Picnics are coming up! Click here for dates and times of our main picnic, Connecticut picnic, Pittsburgh picnic and Virginia picnic. | ||||
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There is no denying that adoption is an expensive avenue for starting a family. The good news…where there’s a will…there’s a way. If you’re looking to begin building your family through adoption, here are some ways you can lower costs significantly: • Grants - money that does not need to be repaid. • Loans - money that must be paid back, usually with interest. • Military Families - military families can receive benefits for adopting. • Employer Adoption Benefits - some employers provide benefits to employees who adopt. • Adoption Tax Credit - based on income, families may be qualified for tax credit ($13,170 federally in 2010). • Fundraisers - can be fun events to get your community’s support! One local AFTH family, Carla and Kevin, raised almost $25,000 towards their adoption in a little over 6 months! The couple had always known they wanted to adopt but they waited over 10 years due to the high costs. Carla and Kevin, knew that if they never adopted, they would regret the decision. And so this past year she and her family decided to make it happen. Carla and her husband applied for grants, loans and even held fundraisers for their adoption. From the very beginning of their process Carla began blogging about her dreams of adopting. She was also able to create a donation link on her blog, allowing family, friends, and other bloggers the opportunity to donate. This couple wrote letters to family and friends and they personally visited local businesses in hopes of support. A friend of the family suggested hosting a silent auction to raise donations. In a matter of a few weeks, Carla organized a silent auction to benefit their adoption fund. An array of items were donated and auctioned including jewelry, travel packages, landscaping services, hot air balloon rides, sports tickets, and spa packages, and even fun things for kids. By the end of the auction, they were only $1,000 short of reaching their goal! An inspiration to so many others who feel worried about the costs of adopting, they are proof that anything is possible. So apply for grants, loans, and research benefits available, then focus on fundraising. Get creative, use your imagination and have fun! • Write a letter to family and friends By adopting a baby you are changing lives, and people are willing to help. Adoption is an exciting experience, but to be stress free about funding it, that’s icing on the cake!
Rule #1- involve adoptive parents in the planning process to incorporate their preferences and avoid surprises at all costs. Welcome parties instead of showers are typically held for adoptive parents (fathers included) and occur AFTER the baby is home with the family. Adoption social workers recommend waiting until the revocation period for both birthparents pass and some adoptive parents choose to wait until after finalization before holding a welcome party. In addition to the legal reasons behind waiting to celebrate, most adoptive parents need, and want, time to adjust and bond with their baby before making grand introductions to family and friends. In order to incorporate the adoptive parents’ wishes into the planning and avoid surprises, be sure to have them sign off on everything from the timing to the guest list. When planning the theme of the celebration, be sure to avoid references to pregnancy as many decorations and party games for showers automatically build it into the theme. Additionally, be sure the guests are aware the family has grown through adoption. For an international adoption, a theme related to the child’s birth county is a great way to celebrate and expose others to a child’s heritage. A Sibling Welcome Party is a great way for older siblings to invite all their friends and proudly introduce them to the family’s newest addition. If any other questions arise about proper etiquette for adoption showers, always revert back to rule #1! Inspired by the words spoken by their daughter, adopted at the age of 2 from Ukraine, George and Lori Runkle of Virginia put them into a poem. Elena Svetlana Runkle, now 11, is working with her vocal coach to transform this touching poem into a song celebrating her adoption. Of All, You Chose Me Oh, Mommy, Oh Daddy Oh Mommy, Oh Daddy Oh Mommy, Oh Daddy Oh Mommy, Oh Daddy, Oh Mommy, Oh Daddy, AFTH loves to hear how adoptees celebrate their adoption story. Whether it is artwork, poetry, or funny stories they tell, contact Kristy at KristyG@afth.org to share the meaning of adoption through your child’s eyes.
ALASKA – The Alaska Supreme Court has ruled that native tribes share jurisdiction with the state in most child custody issues. Disagreement about tribal jurisdiction created difficulties when children in disputed custody cases need health care, enroll for school or apply for social services. The Alaska court's ruling should spur more cooperation between tribes and state officials. The ruling does not resolve all questions surrounding tribal jurisdiction, including whether it extends to parents who aren't tribal members but adopt Native children, or if it applies to families that have limited or no contact with tribes. AIR FORCE - With thousands of children available for adoption in the U.S., Air Force officials are helping ease the initial financial obligations for those military families opting to adopt. Through the Adoption Expense Reimbursement Program, parents using a legal adoption agency may be eligible for up to $2,000 per adoptive child, with a maximum reimbursement of $5,000 in a calendar year, for qualifying expenses. To qualify for the program: • Adoption must be finalized while the airman is serving on continuous active duty or full-time Air Guard Reserve duty with orders specifying a period of at least 180 days
- Send pictures with clean faces and endearing expressions! - Send seasonal pictures and photos representing holidays! - Use your digital camera’s highest pixel for clarity! - Send multiple pictures, variety is good! Adoptions From The Heart is pleased to welcome new Board members: Rita Roitman is a therapist in the Main Line area specializing in adoption issues. She has an MSW and experience in the past working for an adoption agency in New York. Judith Eckles has her own Public Relations firm called Judith Eckles & Partners in Jeffersonville, PA. She comes to us from Main Line Chamber of Commerce. Stephen Facenda also has his own media firm called Viamark Advertising. His knowledge of TV and radio advertising is very helpful to the agency. Another new member is McKenzie Frankel who is an Investment broker for Lincoln Investment. She brings experience and expertise in finance. We welcome these new members for the 2010-2011 term. The agency is looking for a few new Board members for the 2011-2012 term. We would like volunteers from New Jersey and Delaware and will be in need of an attorney and accountant. Please contact Maxine Chalker at MaxineC@afth.org with your interest.
My Family, My Journey: A Baby Book for Adoptive Families by Zoe Francesca and Susie Ghahremani - This is a fabulous new lifebook for adoptive families. Although it isn't perfect for families fostering to adopt, it is fabulous for families of open adoption. Designed by adoptive parents, this book includes all the normal baby book milestones but also includes sections such as, "what we know about your birth family", "people who help us on our journey", and "how we found out we were matched and how we celebrated." This book is beautifully illustrated with lots of room for photos and is sure to be treasured for years to come. AFTH Price - $12.00 In On It: What Adoptive Parent Would Like You to Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends by Elizabeth O’Toole - This book is smart, thoughtful, and full of humor. Elizabeth O’Toole guides readers through adoption–and all the unique stuff that accompanies parenting in a family with adopted children. In On It opens a path for friends and relatives to become insiders to the process and is a great resource for people who want to support their loved ones, but aren’t always sure what to do or say. AFTH Price - $12.00 Surrogacy, A Magical Delivery by Tamra Martin - A tale of a possum family that longs to have children but is finding it difficult so they turn to alternative ways to start their family. This is a great little book to help explain surrogacy to children. AFTH Price - $12.00 Megan’s Birthday Tree: A Story about Open Adoption by Laurie Lears – Megan’s birth mother, Kendra, and her adoptive parents lovingly share a connection with each other and with Megan. When the child was born, Kendra planted a tree, and every year she sends a photo of it to Megan on her birthday. Now she is getting married and moving, and the youngster worries that her birth mother will forget her without the tree as a reminder. She wants to discuss it with Mom, but the words get stuck in her throat, so she asks instead for the story of her birth. Mom recalls, “Kendra loved you so much! Yet she knew she wasn’t ready to take care of a baby, so she’d chosen Dad and me to be your parents.” Lears captures perfectly the child’s anxiety about being forgotten, as well as her delight when Kendra reveals that even though she does not need a reminder to keep Megan in her heart, she has dug up the tree to replant at her new home. Full-color paintings complement the text by depicting Megan’s emotions–thoughtful worried, surprised, and joyful. AFTH Price - $13.00 (HC) Shades of Black: A Celebration of Our Children by Sandra L. Pinkney - This picture book celebrates the beauty of all African-American children of all shades. Beautiful photos of children go hand in hand with the book’s inspiring poem about the beauty of being black. The poem uses wonderful imagery to instill a sense of pride and to explain the wide range of skin and eye color and hair texture all of which are celebrated for their unique beauty. AFTH Price - $13.00
AFTH is now accepting photos for the 2012 AFTH Building Beautiful Families Calendar. Make sure you don’t miss the July 1st deadline! *NEW - A new section of our website has been created to allow current AFTH clients access to forms, articles, and additional resources for the Education Course and Home Study Course. Current AFTH clients are also able to change their contact information for the email blasts as well as their preferences in which email blasts they would like to receive. If you are a current AFTH client and haven’t already registered for the client only portion of the website, visit www.afth.org and click on the “Client Only Site” link on the bottom left side of the home page under Quick Links. Once the request form is filled out and submitted, an AFTH staff member will review your request and approve access to the forms. You will then receive an email saying you have been approved and granting you access to the forms. Access is granted to forms corresponding to the phase of the process the family is in. Access to new forms will be allowed as the family continues through the process. The AFTH African-American/African-American Biracial Domestic Program has quite a few families in the book. We are continuing to do extensive outreach for African American families and as always continue to do outreach for prospective birthparents. Webinars specific to this domestic program, which is open to singles and couples living anywhere in the U.S., are held monthly. For more information about an upcoming webinar, visit our online calendar of events at www.afth.org. AFTH 2011 picnics will soon be here. We encourage all AFTH families to attend to celebrate adoption and connect with other families. Information on all the summer picnics can be found in the newsletter insert. Looking for some wet and wild family fun this fall? Stay tuned for more information of an upcoming AFTH event being held in the fall at an indoor water park. As details are available, updates will be posted on the AFTH website, social networking sites, and in the newsletter. CHINA - Four former AFTH families who transferred to Carolina Adoption Services received matches right before Christmas. This was an unexpected gift for all of the families because their log in date, as we were originally informed, was 6/2/06 but we came to find out was actually late April 2006. Happily, it was not the other way around. We have just received word that the families will be traveling 4/8/11. Unfortunately, their departure was held up due to a number of issues and holidays in China which shut down the Chinese government. It is worth noting that this group originally was made of 17 families back in 2006. HEARTBEATS - Adoptions From The Heart, would like to introduce to you our new Embryo Education Program. This is a very exciting time for our agency and we hope that this new program can benefit your family in some way. After 25 years of providing domestic and international adoptions services, Heartbeats is applying our experience and knowledge on adoption to embryo placement by providing counseling and support to families, education, and home study services. This educational program is a four part webinar series. This series will help those families who are pursuing embryo placement. There are so many questions that families, friends and the children born from embryo placement will have. This course has been designed for families who are receiving embryos or considering an embryo placement. Please know that social workers are available to answer any questions you may have. Each course covers different topics of embryo placement including: how many embryos are available for placement, legal issues, embryo terminology, pregnancy results, advantages and disadvantages, family and community support, chances of success, exploring a family’s options, genetic siblings, open vs. closed relationships with donor families, worries for the family, and talking and telling your child about donor conception. Register for the Embryo Education Series on our online calendar of events at www.afth.org. Heartbeats also provides additional services to recipient families such as: embryo/adoption home studies (when required), assisting in creating profile pages, supervising personal meeting between donor and recipient families, and post birth supervisory reports. An embryo home study can also be used for domestic adoption if you are unsuccessful in embryo placement or are interested in completing the adoption process as well. The India Surrogacy Program continues to move forward. Right now, we have a family who is waiting for the exciting news of a pregnancy by a surrogate. Future newsletters will have updates of the family’s progress. Free webinars about this program are held every other month. The next one will be Tuesday, May 17th at 7pm. Anyone who has an interest in learning more about this program please visit our online calendar of events at www.afth.org.Click here to learn more information about either our Embryo Education Program or the India Surrogacy Program. For upcoming Heartbeats Webinar and in-person meetings, visit our online calendar of events. The U.S. Department of State has issued its Fiscal Year 2010 Annual Report on Intercountry Adoptions, which can be viewed at http://adoption.state.gov/pdf/fy2010_annual_report.pdf Sadly, 2010 marked the sixth consecutive year of decline in the number of orphans adopted from abroad to the United States. This news is tragic given the vast numbers of children around the world living without the care of a permanent family, and also surely discouraging for American families pursuing an international adoption. The figures show that more than 70% of the adoptions in 2010 were from, in order, the following four countries: ETHIOPIA RUSSIA SOUTH KOREA In Conclusion... Adopted children make up about 2 percent of the child population in the United States, or about 1.8 million kids. According to Adoption USA: A Chartbook Based on the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents, published by the Department of Health and Human Services, those kids usually benefit from being adopted: The report describes 85 percent of them as being in “excellent or very good health,” with 81 percent of their parents saying their relationships are “very warm and close.” Only about 15 percent of adoptive parents say the relationship is “more difficult” than they had expected. The survey also showed that adopted children are more likely to be read to daily at a young age (68 percent, vs. 48 percent of non-adopted children), more likely to be sung to or told stories on a daily basis (73 percent vs. 39 percent), and participate more in extracurricular school activities (85 percent vs. 81 percent). From Grief to Gift I’m in the midst of losing my grandmother. Losing her to a wicked disease that has transformed her body into a prison from which she cannot escape. Not being able to turn a key became not being able to hold a fork, which became not being able to walk. Now, she cannot speak. But I look into her eyes, a color of brown that Maeve’s crayon palette would deem Burnt Sienna, and I see a world of things she wants to say but cannot. I see a life of experiences she can no longer share with those around her. Recipes and rituals once rote to her are now outside her reach, and outside of ours for posterity. Her body has turned on her. I watch all this play out before me like a car accident, tires screeching with urgency, yet seemingly in slow motion. I am not unique, I imagine, in having the childhood memory of riding in the front seat of the family car when a parental arm suddenly flings out, steady and firm against the child’s chest, as the car brakes to avoid an accident. Today, dear mirror on the wall, I see that I am my parents after all. My arm now instinctively reaches to Maeve, as if I can somehow protect her from the tragic scene unfolding before us. Yet I know that as the matriarch of the family slips away, I must loosen that grip and expose my daughter to certain pain. As little as two weeks ago, Maeve could run into her grandparents’ home to greet her great-grandmother like countless times before. She’d sit near my grandmother’s chair and they would chat, Maeve bringing to life my grandmother’s pale blue plastic statues of the Virgin Mary in skits of domesticity or glamorous theater like only a young girl can. Those rituals are no longer; my grandmother has slipped further away from us. My grandmother was there the day we arrived home from our three-day stint in a hotel as new parents. She has since attended her dance recitals, kid-centric birthday parties, and even watched from the front row as a cap-and-gown clad Maeve graduated preschool. Her presence over the years has taught Maeve to be gentle with her touch, to recognize when someone might need extra help. Like “helping” Gram-Gram to the electric lift chair along the stairs that Maeve not-so-secretly wishes was her own plaything, installed not to give mobility to an ailing parent but rather as a grand gesture purely for a granddaughter and her visits! Or the birthday candles Maeve proudly “helps” Gram-Gram blow out on her birthday cake — this despite my grandmother’s germ-concerned pet peeve about the whole candle-blowing ritual to begin with. While their lives have overlapped just a handful of years, the two generations are now forever linked by these memories, these threads that when woven together create a tapestry of family history and heritage. The grief in eventually losing Gram-Gram will eventually be outweighed by the gift of them knowing one another. Each flavored one another’s existence in some unchangeable way that is unique to them — all the while without a shred of shared DNA. So exactly why is it that so many seek to keep others — with actual genetic proprietary rights! — from living so authentically? Sealed birth records take what is splintered and force a fracture. As manila files replete with long-sought answers sit in dark, dusty storage units, life outside moves on, time takes its toll and key characters in each story can be lost forever. Blacking out identifying information weakens the thread of family heritage, to be sure; but such black-lining cannot erase a story that’s already begun. There is no ink dark enough. Now, I have no pie-in-the-sky notion that every birth mother, birth father and child will link arms, sing Kumbaya and skip into a forever full only of familial bliss. (Do you know any family like this?) Still, we each deserve the opportunity to write our own stories with its full cast of characters. No one should have their story written for them, missing chapters be damned. Yes, Maeve will hurt when she loses her great-grandmother. Yes, my parental arms will instinctively reach for my daughter, trying to lessen the sting for us both. Yes, I will seek solace in knowing it stings because we were lucky enough to know her, to love her, and to share life with her. Not everyone gets that chance. The Adoptee’s Birthright Bill permits access to original birth certificates. A-1406 awaits a posting before, and vote by, the full New Jersey Assembly. Encourage your legislator to support access to original birth certificates. Call 800-792-8630 for your legislators’ names and contact information, or log on to www.njleg.state.nj.us for contact information and a full text of the bill. Gretchen Boger-O'Bryan was placed with her daughter in July 2005 through Adoptions From The Heart. An editor and freelance writer, she has an adoption and first-time parenthood blog at www.mamagigi.wordpress.com. Reach her at mamagigi@comcast.net
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Copyright 2006. Adpotions From the Heart is a licensed, non-profit, nonsectarian adoption agaency. Founded in 1985.
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