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| Summer 2008 Issue |
A Quarterly Publication of Adoptions From The Heart
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Click here for class descriptions, dates, times and locations. At AFTH, our goal is not only to build beautiful families, but to help strengthen them as well. AFTH proudly offers Education Series throughout the year designed to support families and their children through pre and post adoption related issues and parenting challenges. Each spring and fall, AFTH selects topics for our Ed Series that we believe are of interest and value to our families. AFTH's classes are led by engaging professionals with diverse fields of expertise who are eager to share their knowledge with adoptive parents. You will find descriptions of all the classes being offered during our Fall Ed Series in the newsletter insert. Classes include CPR, Infant Childcare, Creating Lifebooks, and Talking with your Child about Adoption. Also incorporated are classes such as “Embracing Openness” and “What Your Commitment Means to Me” in which openness in adoption is discussed. The opportunity to hear the impact that different openness commitments have on various birthmothers is an experience that all families built through open adoption should take advantage of in order to better understand the big picture of what openness means to all members of the adoption triad. Remember, the adoption journey is lifelong. It begins the moment a family decides to grow through adoption and continues each day after that. Each phase of the journey will bring new challenges, so regardless of what stage of the adoption process families are in, whether it's pre or post; AFTH's Ed Series goal is to strengthen families by empowerment through knowledge. Join us for one of our Ed Series classes this fall. Online registration is available at www.afth.org. For more information on a specific class, contact the hosting office. AFTH wants to know what you would like to learn more about. We invite families to share their topic ideas with us. If you have a topic that you would like to suggest for a future Ed Series, please email us at adoption@afth.org.
Financial assistance for adoptions is becoming easily accessible and the amount of money available in financial assistance for adoption expenses is increasing significantly. Grant-awarding organizations are making financial aid available for many adoptive parents. Some organizations are limited to certain types of adoptions, while others are open to all grant applicants regardless of the type of adoption, race, religion, marital status, or sexual preference of the adoptive parent(s). With the help of donors, who can be veteran adoptive parents hoping to help new adoptive parents, these organizations are awarding grants from $200 to $15,000. Adoption benefits are also on the rise. More and more U.S. companies are offering reimbursement for their employees' adoptions, in fact, almost half of all U.S. companies are offering adoption benefits, which is a 12% increase from 1990. According to a study by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, the average reimbursement for adoptions provided by employers is $4,700. Not only are more employers offering reimbursements, some are starting to offer adoption leave- the same as maternity leave- which eliminates the fear of going without pay once your child arrives home. Other financial assistance options for adoption include federal and state tax credits, military subsidies, low-cost loans, and creative financing, which includes bake sales, car washes, etc. AFTH has created a “Help with Adoption Expenses” flyer to increase awareness of the various types of adoption assistance. Visit our Adoptive Parent Learning Center to learn more. If you're saving up to adopt again or know someone who is thinking about adopting, remember financial assistance is available. Now-a-days, every penny counts so tap into reimbursement and grants and begin your adoption journey even sooner!
MINNESOTA - Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty vetoed legislation (SF3193) on May 16 that would have allowed all adoptees 19 years of age or older in the state to obtain an uncertified copy of their original birth certificate upon request, provided that one of their birthparents had not submitted an affidavit of nondisclosure. FLORIDA - Florida launched a new campaign, "Explore Adoption," aimed at promoting the benefits of public adoption and urging families to consider creating or expanding their families by adopting a child who is older, disabled or part of a sibling group. The initiative will "put a new face on public adoption" by telling the many stories of families who have enriched their lives by adopting Florida's children. An estimated 1,500 parents, grandparents, birth parents and children from all over gathered together on June 1st in the Fort Washington State Park. It is a joy to see the many AFTH families who come to the picnic each and every year. This year we also had quite a few domestic families who were joining us for the first time this year to reunite with their child’s birthparents. We hope their first picnic experience was wonderful and we hope to see them again next year. International families also joined in the fun. Some families even hung country flags in trees to mark the meeting place for their travel groups to reunite. Balloons and toys were handed out to children and there were plenty of free snacks for all. The Raucous Brothers provided us with a lively reggae sound, Freckles the Clown and her friends offered face painting and balloon art, Jack and Jill ice cream was a hit with children of all ages, and AFTH staff helped out with the arts and crafts. Children also enjoyed a book reading by Grace Chang and a Sing-A-Long with Tom. Families were also able to capture the special day with a free family portrait. We want to thank all the families attended and made our 20th Annual Picnic a great success. We invite all AFTH families to join us June of next year for another day of family fun! AFTH-VA The AFTH Virginia Office celebrated its annual picnic at the Sandy Bottom Nature Park on May 31st. It was a beautiful summer day and families gathered together to celebrate with AFTH staff. With over 50 people in attendance, it was a fun day for everyone who came. It was exciting to have so many domestic families reuniting with their children’s birthparents. We hope to see everyone at our picnic again next year! First Reunion Since Placement This picnic was the first meeting for all of us since the day we left the hospital with our son. As we drove away, I couldn't help but think how strong and brave she was and how supportive her mom was for helping her through one of the most difficult decisions of her life. What many people don't often realize is that she made this adoption plan out of love. And she will never stop loving him. So the day of the picnic, I couldn't wait to see our son's birthmother and her mom. I practically ran into their arms when I caught sight of them. They were equally responsive and I had all I could do to hold back the tears. This picnic was crucial for all of us to reconnect since it had been a little over 3 months since he was born. During that time he grew and changed so much. Although the pictures helped, watching them snuggle and feed him made us realize how lucky this little guy is to have all of these people adore and love him. What's so funny is he doesn't even have a clue yet! As he grows and begins to ask questions, it will be so easy to open up his scrapbook and show him pictures of his birth mom and her family. There will never be a moment of doubt or shame because we are all in this together bonded unconditionally by one little boy who has captured our hearts forever. AFTH is proud to announce the start of a new option for families. Our Heartbeats Program allows recipient families to:
Many couples choose IVF and embryo cryopreservation and lovingly create embryos with the intention of using them to create their family. Often families find that they have additional embryos left after they have completed their family that will not be used. These families are then faced with the dilemma of what to do with these additional embryos. One of the options is to donate these embryos for placement with other families. Recipient families receive a home study and education course that will cover issues regarding the importance of sharing the child's story with them in a loving, thoughtful manner, how to discuss this program with family and friends and the importance of keeping in touch with the donor family and informing the child that they may have a full sibling that lives with another family. AFTH is in contact with fertility clinics that have families interested in an open placement for their frozen embryos. As you can imagine, this is a difficult decision for both families involved but a wonderful option for both as well. AFTH is a non-profit, non-sectarian agency dedicated to giving all families options and this program fits in very well with this philosophy. If you are interested in exploring this new program please contact Kimberly Dotts at KimberlyD@afth.org. Get Going: Vacations Improve Your Work Have you decided to skip a vacation this year because you have too many projects at work or too many items on your fix-it list for your house? Do you regularly pass on your lunch break or eat in your office in order to keep working through lunch? Vacations give you time to kick back, forget about the office, and get some R&R. But fewer and fewer Americans are doing that according to recent studies. Even though one in three Americans say they are chronically overworked, many employees aren't taking the paid vacations they have earned. A 2007 survey by the recruiting firm Hudson reported that 56 percent of employees do not use all of their vacation time. And of those who do take their vacations, many continue working while they're away. But when you truly get away from work-by changing your environment and shutting down for extended periods-you return to work less overwhelmed and more energized to meet your responsibilities. In fact, in a study conducted on behalf of Air New Zealand, 82 percent of vacationers experienced a boost in their work performance after returning from a vacation. Wise people have always known that putting some space-mentally, emotionally, geographically-between you and your job is beneficial. Here are some thoughts on the subject from Leonardo da Vinci, one of the great creative geniuses of all time: "Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer since to remain constantly at work will cause you to lose power of judgment . . . Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen." Take it from da Vinci: Vacations improve your work Putting the Pedal to the Metal is Costly We know you just can’t wait to get out of the office and onto the beach however aggressive driving will cost you at the gas pump. Speeding, rapid acceleration, and last-minute braking can lower your gas mileage by 33 percent when you're driving at highway speeds. For each 5 M.P.H. that you drive over 60 M.P.H., you'll be paying about 20 cents more per gallon. Keeping Busy On The Drive: Now that you have decided to take a vacation and know how to save money in gas along the way, what in the world are you going to do to make the long road trip easier for your young children? Why wait to begin the vacation fun until you actually reach your destination when it can begin with the start of your car? Washington Learning Systems has developed unique “On the Go” activities designed to facilitate positive parent-child interactions during road trips. The material is created to encourage early language and literacy development in infants through preschool age children. For a list of activities go to www.walearning.com and download the “On the Go” file in the Free Parent Handouts section. Another great website to find road trip activities for children of all ages is at www.momsminivan.com. The classics games include: Have your child keep a journal of your vacation. Begin by having them draw a picture of the day’s activities on a sheet of paper and on the another page have them write about the day. Upon returning home, you can create a book out of all the pages which will capture the memories of the vacation from your child’s eyes. Most importantly, remember to take breaks in long road trips and allow your child to burn off some energy. Happy Travels!
GUATEMALA - The new step in the Guatemala process is that PGN/The Central Adoption Authority announced that they were going to interview the birth mother on all cases that haven't received PGN approval. The majority of our cases have successfully completed this new requirement and three cases have since received PGN approval. The New Central Adoption Authority has not really announced any information regarding the future adoption process in Guat. Many families continue to visit their children while they are waiting for their adoption to be finalized, and this is a positive option for families. INDIA - We are not accepting applications at this time. KAZAKHSTAN - Seven families completed their adoptions from Kazakhstan and three families traveled to begin the process in the first six months of the year. Most families are now doing the process in three trips due to the courts extending the time between the preliminary. Interest in Kazakhstan has increased lately and that is increasing the time between submitting dossiers and travel. Families who have completed adoptions are asked to submit their annual reports to Terry Petrone at the Cherry Hill office at least one month prior to the anniversary of the date of their final court in Kazakhstan. Any questions regarding the reports or the Kazakhstan program can be directed to Terry Petrone at TerryP@afth.org or by phone to the Cherry Hill office. RUSSIA - AFTH’s Russia Partnering Program continues to run well. Two families brought children home from Moscow in the spring, and three more are expected to do so during the summer. Four additional families are awaiting invitations to travel to Moscow to meet the child each hopes to adopt, and another is awaiting a Court date to adopt their child in St. Petersburg. Families continue to receive referrals within a few months of completion of paperwork. Referrals are of boys and girls, as young as 12-36 months and up to 5 years of age. UKRAINE - Adoption from Ukraine continues to be challenging. Families who have traveled in the past six months have had to be in country 4-6 weeks and have multiple appointments before finding referrals they could accept. Two families have traveled and come home without children and one family has made two trips without finding a child they could accept. The SDA seems to be focusing on placing older and special needs children and sibling groups and families who are adopting from Ukraine must be prepared to be very flexible in regard to child request and travel duration. Post-placement compliance continues to be an issue for the Ukrainian government and all families who have adopted are reminded to submit their annual reports to the Consulate of Ukraine in New York at least one month prior to the anniversary of their court date. Questions regarding Ukraine can be directed to Terry Petrone at TerryP@afth.org or by phone to the Cherry Hill office. VIETNAM - On June 18, 2008, Joint Council led a delegation to Vietnam with the goal of seeing a continuation of children's services, including international adoption, beyond September 1, 2008. Despite there still being a long road ahead before the United States and Vietnamese governments come to an agreement, the delegation is confident that its efforts have advanced the goal of new Memorandum of Understanding by September 1st. We are thrilled to announce that AFTH recently had a family receive their I-600 approval and the family will be traveling within the next 2-3 weeks. This is wonderful news and we are hopeful for more approvals to come in the near future. AFTH is continuing to receive referrals, however, we are waiting for the official referrals from Vietnam to come through before giving them to families. We do not want families to receive a referral of a potential child and not be able to bring that child home because the official documentation was not received by September 1st. For this reason, we are not distributing any information about potential children until the official documentation is received from Vietnam. As the sun shone and reggae music filled the air, cars crawled into neat rows in the grass and spilled out eager- and nervous-faced folks looking to spot their loved ones. Family portraits were snapped before lush trees, craft projects beckoned, and children with myriad backgrounds dotted the park's landscape. My daughter Maeve was in her nearly three-year-old glory, donning a painted butterfly on one hand and waving in the other a balloon-cum-fishing pole - complete with dangling orange fish. This was my family's third Adoptions From The Heart picnic. Previously, I've taken home new memories and fine-tuned notions about adoption and its impact on all those involved - and this year was no exception. Seeing my daughter evolve from the pudgy baby planted on a picnic blanket in 2006 to this year watching her run with other children and throw her first Frisbee, I was reminded just how many memories and observations she will soon be able to take from this gathering. Impressions that I believe will play a part in helping form her perception of adoption, process her feelings and handle her own story - certainly all crucial layers to the person she will become. While our little family waited in line for ice cream, I overheard a sweet exchange behind us between a first mother and her son. Her exuberance at being with him was incredibly tangible. They snapped photos and she pledged to share them with friends who had been counting the days with her until the picnic. Yet in a different line altogether, another conversation took place. One in which adoptive family members spoke disparagingly - in front of their child - about his or her first mother after she stepped away. What did the child hear and how much did he or she understand? Did the mother overhear or would someone else in line share with her what they heard? How did it make other young adoptees or biological parents in that line feel? Respect for all members of the triad is vital; certainly, adoptive parents expect it. How many of us have fielded baffling questions or jarring comments like: How much did your daughter cost? What did you have pay to get her? Is she your real daughter? Do you have any children of your own? She's so cute, why wouldn't her mother want her? Are you afraid her real mother will want to keep her when you visit? As an adoptive mother, such encounters make me feel affronted and fired up. I want to defend Maeve's honor, her first mother's honor and respond in a way that might make others reconsider how they view adoption and those living it. But how can we command that respect if - like the family overheard at the picnic - we aren't living it ourselves? A recent post I shared on my blog, musings: mamahood&more, outlined points to consider when contemplating whether to adopt. They were written by a fellow adoptive mother who also is an adoptee. Among them was this pearl: "Don't ever breathe one single negative word about your child's mother, father, state, country, race or culture. Not for any reason. If there are disturbing facts in the situation, state them plainly and support the feelings that may come. But don't add commentary." Perhaps these are lessons we need to revisit ourselves, for our children's sake. (And all non-listeners will be sent to the naughty spot!) Gretchen Boger-O'Bryan was placed with her infant daughter in July 2005 through Adoptions From The Heart. An editor in legal publishing, she also is a freelance writer and currently writes about adoption and first-time parenthood on her blog, musings: mamahood&more, at www.mamagigi.wordpress.com. You can reach her at mamagigi@comcast.net. All reviewed books are available in our branch offices, online or you can order by calling Toni Bradley in the Wynnewood office (610) 642-7200. WHY ARE ALL THE BLACK KIDS SITTING TOGETHERIN THE CAFETERIA by Beverly Daniel Tatum - An insightful exploration of the varieties of Americans' experience with race and racism in everyday life. This book looks at some very interesting and complicated social issues and tries to touch on the why's as well as talking about the issues. Retail $15.95 AFTH price $12.00 LETTER OF LOVE FROM CHINA by bonnie Cuzzolino - This is a beautiful book for any child born in China. This book is written like letter from a birth mother to her daughter explaining the circumstances of why many women place their children for adoption in China. AFTH price $14.00 IT’S ALL GOOD HAIR:THE GUIDE TO STYLING AND GROOMING BLACK CHILDREN’S HAIR by Michele N-K Collison - A great resource for learning to care for African-American hair. Filled with tips on general care, and tips on different styling techniques. AFTH price $12.00 Pittsburgh Annual Picnic Join Pittsburgh AFTH staff and families for a day of family fun at Idlewild. Park opens at 10am. Gather at pavilion E-1 at 1pm to meet up with other AFTH families and to meet Ricky Racoon! Cost is $15.00 per person (children under 2 years old are free). Deadline to order tickets is July 18th. Send your checks payable to Debbie Cohen along with your name, address, phone number, number of people attending, and number of tickets you want to: Adoptions From The Heart For questions and directions call Katie at 724-853-6533.
On Sunday, September 7, 2008 the AFTH Hazlet Office will be hosting its first “Hazlet Play Day” at Holmdel Park in Holmdel, NJ. Children will enjoy the farm and petting zoo, playgrounds, nature walks, and the large grass areas to run around and play. Families can bring a picnic lunch and network with other North Jersey adoptive families. For more information contact the Hazlet Office at (732) 335-8883.
Thank you to all the families who submitted photos to be considered for the 2009 AFTH calendar. They make wonderful gifts and will be available for purchase beginning in early October. Look for details in the next newsletter. We would like to assure you that AFTH is taking any and all steps to ensure that active cases are not interrupted by these events. Although we are continuing to seek our accreditation, as of today, COA has not provided any reason which complies with the Hague standards to justify its decision to deny accreditation. We are actively seeking to determine the basis for COA’s apparent conclusion that AFTH is not in substantial compliance with the Hague standards and the steps that would be necessary to achieve substantial compliance. After requesting these answers from COA, AFTH simply received a letter on July 7th telling us to go back and review COA’s Post-Commission Review Report dated May 5, 2008. COA’s May 5 report does not provide the information needed to understand the basis for COA’s conclusion. Simply put, none of the comments in that report show a failure of AFTH to comply with the Hague standards. COA’s report contains a list of unsubstantiated criticisms referring to items prior to Hague’s effective date, in a non-Hague country, and concerning programs that were completely overhauled. This list does not demonstrate that AFTH fails to comply with the Hague standards, but even more importantly: - 1.) AFTH denied and refuted each and every item on that list in a 91 page response sent on May 19, 2008. Despite this, COA still has not provided any basis for the denial, nor does it appear that COA even considered the facts contained in that response, nor the legal standards that it is required to apply. - 2.) The issues raised in COA’s report do not list dates, names, sources, or any other details. Some of the criticisms were easily verified as being untrue on their face, while others we believe firmly to be untrue as well as unverified, yet our attempts to secure more information have been completely ignored. - 3.) COA has applied the standards incorrectly. Relying on a list of unsubstantiated criticisms prior to Hague’s effective date, in a non-Hague country, in programs that were completely overhauled is NOT permissible under the Hague Regulations, and cannot and does not demonstrate that the agency fails to comply with the Hague standards. Some of you have questioned the timing of COA’s denial. COA sent AFTH an email on May 8, 2008, correcting a letter of denial it had sent dated May 5, 2008 (which AFTH had not yet even received). The May 8th email specifically gave us the right to respond to the May 5th report and avoid denial of accreditation. On June 25, 2008, AFTH learned for the first time that COA issued a final denial. COA’s statement that it made its decision in May, 2008 demonstrates that AFTH’s 91 page response was never considered, and that the opportunity to respond and avoid denial was disingenuous. We want our families to know that we are continuing to pursue accreditation and that we are filing a Petition for Reconsideration as is allowed under the regulations. While we believe that this should result in AFTH receiving accreditation, if it does not, the agency will pursue any and all legal courses of action available, including the assistance of the courts. We will continue to seek fair treatment and accountability from COA for our agency and for others that have been treated unfairly. AFTH has been an ethical and responsible agency since it was founded 23 years ago, and we will continue our mission on behalf of children in need of loving homes. Thank you for your understanding while we go through this process. We are taking every step to insure that your personal adoption will not be affected by this and that it will be completed. Adoptions From The Heart proudly offers support groups for waiting families. The groups are a great way for AFTH families to come together in support and share in a discussion. Our Harrisburg Office holds support groups for all waiting families on the 3rd Thursday of each month. Meetings are held at the • Thursday, July 17 beginning at 7pm • Thursday, Aug. 21 beginning at 7pm • Thursday, Sept. 18 beginning at 7pm Call (717) 232-1787 for info. Domestic Waiting Families Group • Wednesday, Aug. 27 from 6:30-8pm • Wednesday, Oct. 29 from 6:30-8pm RSVP at (732) 355-8883 Our Virginia Office hosts support group meetings in Birthmother support groups are held to connect women who have or are making an adoption plan for their child. Call the Cherry Hill Office at (856) 665-5655 for dates & times
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Copyright 2008. Adpotions From the Heart is a licensed, non-profit, nonsectarian adoption agaency. Founded in 1985.
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